Cariad
by Amy O.e
Summary: One day at the laboratory, Claire discovers the true feelings that she had hidden from herself and is forced to make a decision between the two people she deeply loves.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Morganville Vampires in any way, all rights to Rachel Caine.**

* * *

The moment Claire descended the rotten wooden stairs leading down into the laboratory, she instantly knew that something was wrong. It was completely dark, with no source of light anywhere and the room was eerily quiet. Myrnin would never have the lab like this, especially when he was expecting her for work and it was unusual for him to leave the underground lair. The lack of humming from the machinery or bubbling of some sort of liquid couldn't even be heard and it was definitely strange without them.

Claire slowly stepped down from the staircase, the wood creaking in protest and she squinted through the darkness, reaching for her backpack in the process. She retrieved a wooden stake hidden beneath the books and lowered the backpack to the ground, carefully reaching out for the wall. Her hand brushed across a switch, flicking it on and bathing the laboratory in light. Once her eyes had adjusted to the sudden brightness, she gazed around the room, lips parting in surprise and slight horror.

The entire lab was torn apart; broken glass littered the floor, doors of cupboards hung off the hinges, books were ripped and one of the lab tables had even been turned over, shattering the equipment that had been placed there. Claire gripped the wooden stake tighter in her hand, feeling uneasy and on edge.

"Myrnin..are you here?" She asked, eyes searching for any movement and ears listening intently to the silence.

A second later, she heard what sounded like a broken cry from the far side of the lab, muffled because of the door. It was coming from the small room her boss had yet rarely used. She had stayed there before, against her will of course, while completing an experiment with Myrnin at the Founder's orders. Without a moment's hesitation, Claire hurried across the lab, the glass crunching under her shoes. She reached for the handle, noticing the old key in the keyhole and slowly opened the door, peering inside the tiny room. It was the same as it had been, except this time, Myrnin was curled in a ball on the bed.

"Myrnin! What happened?!"

This wasn't the first time she had witnessed his tears but it was still shocking and heart-breaking each time. Claire gently lowered herself onto the edge of the bed, placing a comforting hand on his quivering shoulder, urging him to turn around and face her. He did so with slow movements and she was surprised and a little embarrassed when he placed his head in her lap, arms awkwardly wrapped around her middle.

"Myrnin, what's wrong? What happened to the lab?" She questioned, voice low and gentle and quiet. She didn't want to risk making him angry or even more upset than he already was at that moment. Myrnin breathed deeply, inhaling her scent and he whispered, "You should not have come here...fy cariad."

Claire had unconsciously been running her fingers through his curly hair in a soothing manner but her movements stilled at the words. She waited for Myrnin to speak again, to explain what exactly he meant by those words. He had stopped shaking now and made no noise but the tears continued to slide down her his perfectly pale face.

"I didn't want you to see me in this state, Claire." He murmured.

"I've already seen you at your worst. Myrnin, this doesn't change anything or my impression of you at all. I just want to know why you were crying...I'm worried about you."

Myrnin slowly pushed himself into a sitting position on the bed beside Claire, but his arms remained wrapped around her waist, pulling her even closer. Her eyes widened slightly, hands reaching up to press against his chest. She could feel the muscles beneath the black fabric of his shirt, bringing a small blush to her cheeks. In the back of her mind, warning bells were ringing loudly and images of Shane made her realise the position they were in. Gasping, she started to push him away but the pain in his dark eyes made her freeze, gaze locking with his.

"My little bird...I was crying from the pain in my dead heart." Myrnin whispered, his head inching towards hers until their foreheads touched.

Claire stared at him with confusion and concern, palms spread out across his chest. It was odd to not feel a heartbeat against her skin. Her thoughts were becoming a mess inside her head, trying to think of a plausible reason as to why Myrnin had practically torn the lab apart and then locked himself away, crying. He was usually in control of himself and he seemed stable lately so this was a surprise. What could possibly have caused his outburst?

"It hurts...Claire. But it's my fault...I should never have..." He trailed off, head lowering, averting her gaze.

His arms that were still wound around her waist tightened ever so slightly and one hand moved to rest on the small of her back, the other on her hip. They were too close and yet, Claire couldn't find it in herself to pull away. There was a part of her that wanted to be this close to Myrnin, closer even. Although she was in a relationship with Shane and she loved him, a part of her heart belonged to Myrnin and it always had since the day they met each other despite how frightening the experience had been. She couldn't deny that.

He had charmed her, his mind had impressed her to the point where she wanted to challenge and explore it, and he was very handsome with brown curly hair and dark eyes and the flawless pale skin; Myrnin truly was amazing in every aspect apart from the small bouts of insanity he tended to have from time to time.

It was true that she loved spending time with him, getting to know him even more than she already did. She loved to watch the excitement and determination in his eyes while experimenting or discovering something new with that brilliant mind of his. He knew how to cheer her up, anger her or annoy her but she always forgave him in the end. At times, she wished that she could stay longer at the lab with him. Slowly, Claire released the breath she didn't realise she had been holding and attempted to make sense of the thoughts in her head, coming to one simple conclusion.

She was in love with Myrnin.

But she loved Shane too and there was no way that she could choose between them. Shane was her first love and she would always love him and after everything they had been through together, it wouldn't be fair at all to just leave him for someone else. Claire didn't want to lose either of them, they were way too important to her and she needed them in her life. Biting her lip, deep in thought, Claire turned her head again to face Myrnin, gently grasping his chin to force him to look at her. She recalled his earlier words and asked, "What should you have never done?"

He stared deep into her eyes, lips parting, fingers gently pressing into her back. "I should never have fallen in love with you, dear."

"I could say the same."

Myrnin froze, eyes wide and his cold breath washed over her face, sending a shiver dancing down her spine. His cool fingers on her back weren't helping, the fabric of her shirt much too thin. And then all of a sudden, he pulled her flush against his body, arms around her waist as if they belonged there and his face buried in the crook of her neck. That scared her slightly, knowing his fangs were so close,_ too _close, to her flesh. She trusted him not to hurt her though, pushing away the fear.

"Claire..thank you." Myrnin whispered, his breath cold on her flesh, making goosebumps rise.

"W-what?"

He hugged her closer and she slowly returned the embrace, noticing how well their bodies fit together; like puzzle pieces made for one another. He pulled back enough to gaze down at her and his smile left her gasping lightly. The pain in his eyes was replaced with utter joy and content, brightening them so that she found it difficult to look away.

"Knowing you love me also...it makes me very happy caru."

"Myrnin...I _do_ love you. I think...that I always have but...I'm with Shane and-"

"Then at least let me savour this moment."

"I-I can't...don't make it harder Myrnin..."

"_Please_...Claire...just let me hold like this a while more. My little bird...I love you so much...please."

Claire felt tears burning her eyes at the sight of him so broken and desperate, his trembling voice piercing her heart. This wasn't fair to any of them. If she couldn't be with Myrnin, _knowing_ that she couldn't, then she owed him this much. Wrapping her arms around him, fingers entangling in his unruly hair, she forgot about Shane at least for this moment and focused on the fragile man in front of her. He responded immediately, holding her and hugging her tightly but in a gentle way, knowing that he could easily hurt her with his strength.

There was a single moment of utter silence between them, both staring at the other, slowly leaning forwards. And they kissed. It was soft, unsure, a bare brushing of lips. Claire could feel the salty tears sliding down her face as she wound one arm around his neck and her other hand fisted the front of his shirt, pulling him towards her again. He gasped softly against her mouth, breath rushing inside, cool and delicious.

She kissed him again and again, pouring her love and her apologies into each one. Myrnin moaned quietly, holding her as close as possible. They both had their eyes closed and they were both crying, knowing that this moment was fleeting and could never happen again.

"I love you, Claire." Myrnin whispered, breaking away to allow her to breathe.

He cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. It was painful, Claire thought. She didn't want this to end. This was different than all the kisses she had shared with Shane and the embraces and the touches. With Myrnin, she realised how right it felt to be with him in his arms, safe from everything, just the two of them. Though if anybody were to find them like this , there would be hell to pay. Knowing that, she still wanted to kiss him again and stay with him.

"I...I love you too."

Smiling through his tears, he kissed her again and gradually, those kisses became longer and more passionate and they fell back against the soft blankets of the bed. They shared more kisses and touches, the love and pure need becoming unbearable between them. Clothes were hastily pulled off and strewn across the floor of the small room, bare skin meeting bare skin.

They made love, lips molding and caressing, tongues tangling, bodies intertwined as one.

Later, they silently dressed after laying together in the afterglow, revelling in the moment, never wanting it to end. Claire fixed herself, knowing that she should be returning home to the Glass House soon and retrieved her backpack. She quietly told Myrnin that she would come back tomorrow to help him clean up the laboratory and turned to leave, only to have him stop her.

"Claire...do you regret it?"

"Never."

His lips formed a small smile and she kissed him one last time, lingering. They broke apart and she left the laboratory, hurrying home while the sun descended in the pale blue sky, its golden rays illuminating the town of Morganville. It had been amazing and felt a lot more intimate and special than when she had been with Shane. She knew it wasn't fair to compare them but her mind was just muddled now, not having a single idea of what to do or if she should stay with Shane or be with Myrnin.

Claire shook her head, deciding to think about it later and instead, ensured that her appearance was in order and that she didn't look as though she had just committed a crime. She wasn't ready to tell her friends or Shane, not yet. But it wouldn't matter because it was inevitable that they would find out sooner or later.

* * *

A week had passed before the truth came out. Claire had been distant from Shane, terrified to tell him that she had cheated with Myrnin, the one person that he hated the most. Every night, she locked herself in her room after coming home from the University and work at the laboratory, neither her nor Myrnin speaking a word about what had happened between them.

He knew that she needed time to sort things out and he respected that fact, keeping up a professional demeanour while they were together.

On one of the evening's when she returned home, Shane was waiting for her. Eve and Michael had gone out for a meal and to see a new film in the cinema, leaving them alone. Claire braced herself for the accusations but none of them came. She followed Shane into the living room and sat beside him on the couch, stomach twisting uncomfortably.

"Claire...I think...we need to break up."

The words both shocked and relieved her, for she knew that her relationship with Shane was going downhill but she didn't have the courage to end it. She had cheated and he deserved to know that but it would only make matters worse if he knew. He would probably even go as far as to hurt Myrnin, even though she had agreed to sleeping with him. Claire would not risk putting him in danger, especially for her own wrong doing.

"We've grown apart..we have been for a while now. I'll always love you and I'll never forget what we've been through...but I don't think we were ever supposed to last." Shane spoke, avoiding her eyes, thinking that he was hurting her.

Truthfully, it did hurt a little bit to have him say these things but it was for the better. Noticing his words, she asked softly, "Is there someone else?"

Shane seemed startled at the question, a light blush appearing on his face. So that was it. He had met another person that he wanted to be with. It seemed as though they were both guilty in this relationship, although she doubted that Shane had slept with that person. She quickly forced that thought from her mind and focused her attention back on Shane.

"I...I'm really sorry, Claire. I knew her from highschool and we started talking again and...I didn't mean for this to happen." He babbled.

"Did you kiss her..sleep with her?"

Her answer came from the dark blush and the wide eyes, the expression stating that he had no idea how to explain himself. "We were both drunk and..-"

"Shane, it's ok. We should break up...I've...met someone else too." Claire said, interrupting him.

They had both cheated on one another and somehow, that made the guilt go away slightly though it certainly didn't change the fact that what they did was wrong and should not have happened. As much as she loved Shane, she loved Myrnin just that little bit more and they matched each other perfectly. As if they were meant to be together.

By the look in his eyes, Shane knew exactly who she meant but surprisingly, he didn't seem angry or upset. In fact, he looked rather relieved. Noticing her questioning stare, he quietly told her that he wasn't surprised at all but to be careful with him and that if he ever hurt her, he would be there with a wooden stake. They apologized before sharing a quick hug and a final kiss as an end to their relationship.

"I'll always love you, Claire." Shane murmured.

"I know. I'll always love you too." She whispered, smiling.

* * *

The next day when Claire went to the laboratory after finishing classes at the University, she lowered her backpack onto the floor and walked over to Myrnin who was staring at the strangely coloured liquid inside the beaker in his hand, grabbed the front of his lab coat and pulled him down into a kiss. He promptly dropped the piece of equipment, the glass shattering on the stained floor around them but wrapped his arms around her and feverishly returned the kiss.

When Claire broke apart to breathe, she was panting lightly and she laughed breathily at his dazed expression. Myrnin blinked and cupped her cheeks, smothering her face in kisses before pulling back.

"Does this mean..."

"Yes. I'm not with Shane anymore. I love you, Myrnin and I want to be with you."

His eyes instantly brightened, his smile making her heart skip a beat and bringing a blush to her face. Myrnin chuckled, stroking her face with slender fingers, teasing her. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, lips lingering against her skin for a moment longer.

"I love you, my little bird. Thank you for being with me." Myrnin whispered, voice soft and low and utterly content.

They kissed again and again, simply holding each other and savouring it. Claire inwardly smiled, knowing that this was where she belonged. After all this time, it was Myrnin who she was supposed to be with though she didn't regret her relationship with Shane, rather she would cherish the memories. But it would be alright, he had someone else too and hopefully, they would be happy together. Eve and Michael were definitely in for a surprise and there would probably be opposition to her and Myrnin being together as a couple considering they were vampire and human and it could be dangerous, if Myrnin's past love was anything to go by.

No, Claire trusted Myrnin and loved him and she could take care of herself, knowing exactly what to do in any situation. And if her friends could stay together and even go on to be happily married, then she could do so with Myrnin. Right now, she just wanted to focus her attention on her new lover, who was currently kissing along her jaw line. She squirmed when he met a sensitive part of her neck, giggling lightly under her breath. Myrnin smiled at the sound, kissing back up until he met her lips again.

"Mmm...you don't know how long I've wanted this."

Claire pulled back and spoke against his lips, "I'm sorry that I made you wait. If I had realised that I loved you sooner-"

"Ssh, it's quite alright dear. Just promise that you'll stay with me now."

He kissed her again before she could even answer, parting her lips and deepening it, his arms pulling her flush against him. Claire returned the kiss just as eagerly, fingers tangling in his hair, the curls soft to the touch. Myrnin reached down and hooked his hands behind her knees, lifting her into the air. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he sat her on the edge of a lab table, never once breaking their kiss.

It felt so right, being with him, kissing him, holding him. This time it didn't have to end with tears; they could be together now. Claire broke away for a breath and spoke against his smiling lips.

"I promise."

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**_The End._  
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